News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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