My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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