new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
