I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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