I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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