I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
