He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
