She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
