what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
