Tell her she can't have a vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will be naked everywhere
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
