Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
