Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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