Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
