Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
