Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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