why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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