You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
