just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
