i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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