I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
