hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
