i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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