We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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