So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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