Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
