Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
