i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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