Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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