did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
