and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm getting married
To pizza
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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