I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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