Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
