Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
