I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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