my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
