At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
