Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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