can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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