Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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