I wish my penis had an off switch
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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