Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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