I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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