I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
