That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
