I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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