Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
