I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
