that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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