i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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