i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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