I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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