i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
