bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have fence marks all over my body
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
