He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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