Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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